Jesus I stand for you

Being that I could not sleep, figured I would try and get out my thoughts so that I could sleep, possibly for an hour or so. Camp is what God is saying to me. Go to camp!

Dear Jesus,

See I have this amazing family and year round I am crazy busy with school but this is the first summer in 4 years that I am actually taking a break. First of all I get sick, probably always was, lucky to have made it with all the stress I put on myself. I should have listened to you Lord. I know I am stubborn and even though I am , you still continuously stand right there beside me. Since I was a little girl, you hugged me from above. Always wondered if you knew my pain. I now know that your promise to me would be revealed as an adult. I still can't believe I found you even after all the anger and stress i carried growing up. I don't think I realized just how amazing you were up until a few years ago. You still amaze me even today. I am surrounded by people all with different family styles, characters that take part in my real life story. I still have to wonder what you are saying to me about my father. This one particular situation is taking quite long but I hope that if I do trust again, this time it will be for real and of you. I pray for my dad. For my mom who lives alone, I pray for her too. I thank you Lord for blessing her with friends who love her and who take care of her back home.

Now on the matter of my not sleeping. Heavy on my mind is that I am nervous. Dave can't sleep when I am not right there next to him. He too has so much work stress and I am there every day as his listening ear to comfort, pray and console him. JD and I have so much to do. I wake up every day anxious to spend the day with him and the girls. I worry that while I am at camp, Michelle will not know what to cook, or will she be scared if it storms. Please don't let it rain. I worry that JD will wake up before Michelle and be afraid. I know I shouldn't worry but it is happening so I will put all this in your hands. I also worry that Dave will miss me especially since I will be gone during our anniversary. First time in 18 yrs., I will be away during our special day. I know you will bless us. Dave said to me that you were calling me to serve and that was pretty amazing when you could have called anyone but you asked me to serve. I love that man. Speaking of which, we gave this impromptu mini motivation for Krissy which did not go well. I just didn't know what to say. My hair was a mess, makeup smeared, and there I was on camera ala' bad hair day, bad look day. That was pretty enlightening. Me the perfectionist who writes things down before hand, sat there and said .........I just don't recall what I said actually but then at the end, Dave gives me a kiss, not a big kiss, just an I'm gonna miss you kiss. The kind of kiss I get when he gets home that says I'm home. My heart broke again, because I knew he was saying I'll miss you, but I am proud of you. I do hope Jake edits that by the way.

Then there is my friends. Some are broken, some are moving, some are hurt, some betrayed, and some lost. I carry their pain. Tonight I learn of yet one more family in anguish. Breaks my heart to hear that they love you and they are suffering. I know you see what is happening down here but Lord I pray that you will heal them. My heart breaks for those whose pain and grief feels unbearable. I pray Lord for all my friends, their hearts and families.

Oh and Lord, this camp thing. Okay. I will go and serve you and I will stand for you! A wise 8 year old said to me yesterday that "sometimes God has these tests and he ask questions to see if you will get it right or not, and its what you answer." JD is a blessing to my life. Lord thank you for him. You sent us a gift uniquely packaged to share with us. Thank you for Krissy and michelle. Thank you for picking me to serve you. Forgive me for being selfish.

Jesus I do stand for you and for all you lead me through!

Amen

18th anniversary planning

what an awesome day God has made. I am sitting here trying to plan an amazing 18th anniversary surprise for David since I will be gone that day. Thoughts running wild through my head about what to leave behind and how. Ideas are poring but nine that seem really exciting.

Will miss dear friends who are moving and realize more everyday that I am constantly blessed with Friends from God. Amen!!!!